Guy boards a flight with a dead raccoon. Flight attendant says "sir, you are going to have to check that" "Don't worry. It's carrion" Therapist: What brings you here today? Me:My phobia of tsunamis Therapist: Please describe the symptoms Me:It comes in waves What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that little thing? I asked a builder for a quote the other day... He said “One small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind - Neil Armstrong" My wife totally changed when she became a vegan... It's like I never knew herbivore. My wife is fed up of my constant Dad jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?" Wife: “Whatever means necessary.” Me: “No it doesn’t.” I told my friend that I’ve always fancied Beyoncé. He said; “Whatever floats your boat” I replied “No - that’s buoyancy”
